I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
