Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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