Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
