i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize