I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize