i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
birth control should be required to get into college
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
