well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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