My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
