No stitches, just platelets and will power
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
