quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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