fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
