Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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