So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
