You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
