and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
