she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
