Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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