Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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