Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
