No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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