Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
