I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
