Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how drunk are you?
Several
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
