I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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