You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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