dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
