that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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