im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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