I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
