I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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