its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize