Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
