I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
