Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
