Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have aggressive nipples.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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