Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
