there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize