wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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