i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
