I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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