would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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