Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
