i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
