they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
this hospital has no fireball
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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