she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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