apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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