apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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