**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I could have mohawked her pubes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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