woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
