His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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