For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
