you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
