Fuck appropriateness.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
