hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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