I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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