Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was like getting head from an anaconda
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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