You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
