Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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