Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
