____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
