Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
