Who did Billy Mays play for?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So many bounce houses so little time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
