SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
