apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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