I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
