I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
