No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
