Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
